Finding Clarity in a Deer Blind

It is difficult to engagingly describe deer hunting. It just sounds boring/bordering on miserable when you talk about your deer hunting. “So you sat as still as possible in the cold and watched trees?” “Yeah, pretty much. I sat for a while, then I sat some more, then I went home, then woke up early and sat and scanned the woods again.”

It is beautiful in its simplicity however, both in what you see and what it is. I had never been hunting of any kind before this year. Firearm deer season starts November 15 in Michigan and that was conveniently on a Monday this year. This, combined with my dad becoming a UP landowner in the last 15 months made this year of our Lord 2021 a good year to start. My dad is a deer hunter from way back but her 2004-2021 hiatus overlapped with teenage and early adulthood years and it just wasn’t as big in the South. But now we both live in Michigan and it IS big in Michigan. Like, cancel school for opening day big. Like influences the legislative schedule big. So we made plans to hunt whitetail deer.

I was happier and warmer than I look

Half to sixty percent of the pleasure of deer hunting is the gear and gear shopping, but its likely 0% fun to read about, so I will spare those details here. Suffice it to say, I was bedecked in clothing and gear tailored to keeping me warm, dry, and in one spot for as long as possible. The platonic ideal, as I understand it, of deer hunting would be sitting on a stool, motionless except for your eyes and maybe neck, for 12 hours straight. Humans aren’t built for this, but we try to get pretty close. Hence the pop-up blind, thermos, and a pee bottle to dispose of the coffee without leaving a scent. Over two days I spent about 16 hours in the blind; basically 6:30a-11:30a, 3p-6p. Deer are most active just after sunrise and just before sunset, so its important to maximize those times. The deer I saw did not know these rules however, so [shrug emoji].

The Blind. We built the portion with logs a couple weeks ago but Dad suggested the pop up blind and that was essential. I wouldn’t have lasted half the time probably without this and the outer bag suit I had.

I did not shoot any of those three deer. I didn’t even shoot my gun once; the same .270 winchester round got loaded and unloaded into the chamber four times. I saw one buck and two does. My dad—in a blind about 300 yards away—saw three does and heard one buck. She might hunt some more, but I’m done for the year without a head on the wall. Some might say this was a failure of a trip but I think any hunter, especially of deer, would say it was a success. I stayed out for the time I wanted, I saw deer (thus I picked a good spot), and I want to do it again. I’ve been told that that is a win, and I am inclined to agree. I am a little surprised I was able to be out as long as I was. I am by nature a fidgeter and inclined to do multiple things at once and keep my mind full Don’t get me wrong; I like sitting on my ass as much as the next person, but for instance I can (and do) watch a football game, while playing a game on my compute, and have a podcast playing on my phone and STILL have my mind wander to check twitter. But on 11/15 and 11/16, I was able to set that aside and sit silently in a folding chair watching snow, trees, and a very active red squirrel in the hope that a buck will feel comfortable walking by. A lot of that was due to good gear and good preparation, but it also involved mental fortitude. The cold and boredom (which is good at pointing out the cold) want you to move and adjust your clothing, grab your coffee, or pack it in. To overcome this, in a weird coincidence our hunting-eve movie gave me a theme for the hunt:

“This is the job. Don’t wait for it to happen. Don’t even want it to happen. Just watch what does happen.“

-Sean Connery, The Untouchables, Paramount Pictures, 1987.

Sean Connery’s Jim Malone was advising Kevin Costner’s Eliott Ness on staking out bootleggers but it works for deer too. You set up the best you can, make yourself ready, and then all you can do is watch. If you wait for a deer, every minute can feel like an hour and you get antsy as the seconds tick by. You think about what should happen when there is no should. If you want a deer to appear in your sights you’re going to be disappointed (at least more so) when you don’t bag a buck. The want that matters is wanting to hunt, but once you’re in the stand or blind, whether you want to see a deer doesn’t matter one deer lick whether you will. In fact, the more you want the deer to come, the less likely it may do so as your anxiety translates into rustling and quick movements. I saw my sole buck 4.5 hours into my first day, then two does in the afternoon, and then not another non-squirrel mammal for the next 10 hours in the stand. Thats a long time to wait and want.

But it wasn't a long time to watch, as unlikely as that may sound. Everything else kind of faded away and it was not that hard. If you don’t have to move—except to turn your head to watch a different area—your mind just goes open. As long as you are sitting still and looking at where deer might be, you can do whatever else you want. Sure, you try not to worry about things you can’t do at the moment, like work projects, home chores, or what movie to watch back at the house, but you can think about those things. It is liberating; or rather clarifying. To “clarify“ something, such as wine, is to pull unwanted waste out of the liquid so that only the clear portion you want is left behind. Not that I have experience doing much clarifying, mind you, but I like the metaphor.

I find many outdoor activities clarifying; that’s part of the reason why I force myself to do them even when its easier to do something else. Maybe its something about the cold clear air, but I found hunting extremely clarifying. I did not solve any big mysteries or even small problems or wrestle with complex legal arguments. To be honest, I couldn’t tell you what I was thinking at any given hour. But the beauty and the cold and the simplicity was its own type of therapy.

So perhaps this is what the “use“ of hunting was for me, and perhaps why it was worth it for you to read this. November 15 and 16 were two days out of the 365 and I cannot replicate the experience until next november. But I am prone to, in my own formulation of the emotion, get “wrapped around the axle.“ I do too many things at once, both in work and in leisure, such as the above description of my tv watching. I then get frustrated or agitated, especially when this happens at work, and don’t do anything well. I could use a lot less waiting and wanting, and a lot more just watching. Just doing the thing I am supposed to at the moment and clearing out the rest for my mind to be free. I really don’t have to resume a podcast when I am turning laundry over to the dryer; I can just do the laundry. Its cliche, but less truly can be more.

Will I do this? At best sometimes, but that’s okay. This method is no guarantee of success. I could have shot the buck that did come at certain moments but I was not ready at 10:50a when he arrived. I was in my insulated bag scanning the woods when he came up to my left. He walked right in front of me about 25 yds ahead. We even locked eyes. I just could not combine slow movements unzipping my bag and getting my gun up and sighted. I maybe had a shot but not a good one. I absolutely would have a stereotypical pic to attach here with my hands on the antlers and me smiling in the camera and the buck not so much if I had gun in hand waiting for a deer to come at any moment. But I would have been colder and more on edge and thus less likely to quiet or even still there. I watched and almost got a deer. I did not have a shot when i could take it and we both went on with our mornings. I enjoyed my time in the woods and that is enough, though at the moment I am definitely waiting and wanting to get a deer next November 15. In the meantime, I will try to find a little piece of clarity in my day to day.